One time I was gonna change at the public pool to go swimming and I saw the cleaner guy puttin in five handfuls of chlorine. No foolin. He practically just dumped four dump trucks of it in. The whole place was empty as hell except for the chlorine guy who looked lonely as hell. I kinda felt bad for him but I didn’t feel like talking to him so I just started looking around the place. The guy’s footprints showed a lot ‘cause of the water around the pool, I almost damned slipped on the puddle that guy left behind. His clothes were so tight he looked like he fell into the goddam water when he was supposed to be cleaning it. That killed me. You never know if a little kid starts running inside all excited and all and scrapes his knee from his fall. He’d just slip and roll on the floor and no one would help him up. The poor kid, he’d just wait there in the chlorine filled puddle with no help.
Just like the kid that was singing “If a body catch a body coming through the rye.” He was alone but on the floor, I bet you if a movie star came in he wouldn’t help the kid up. Movie stars are always phonies that look good during shows and all but are cowards when they’re not getting paid. The only living thing that would help a kid out is another kid. People would be overjoyed if some kid was running and tripped over a rock down the curb.
Anyway so I’m just walking around and then comes this phony-looking guy with his little kid. The kid’s crying with his dad yanking him around like he was a piece of string that’s caught on the door. And the kid’s screaming for his mom. The poor kid looked like he was about to kill himself when he was trying to get away from his dad and all. I was just about to tell the kid his mom was coming but then she actually did come into the building. Boy was she good-looking. She was so good-looking she was a babe that settled for some phony bastard. She was wearing one of those mini-dresses that look so damn good on her. I knew she was already taken but I didn’t care. The kid and his bastard went inside the changing room tugging and kicking.
“Wanna come have a drink? On me.” I asked her all collected and all. I knew I shouldn’t have but I did anyway. She was too damn good-looking to pass up.
“Sorry, but I have a husband.” She said all nice and all. Damn, she was so goddamed good-looking!
“Then what about the women powder room? Nobody goes there anymore! C’mon, I bet your one of those beautiful girls that would care to have some fun.” I said all suave as hell. She didn’t say anything after that. She sighed and tried to get out of my idea and told me to stop yelling. But I was so damn convincing she didn’t have a choice. We played around in the room and all, until her husband started calling her name with his phony voice. Then she left and I was alone again. “Forget it, that lady has a crumby moron for a husband.” I got out of the room and started thinking about the kid. What happened when he got into the pool. The pool was like made of chlorine, I bet his eyes stung like hell right after he left the pool. I thought if the goddamed chlorine company made a damn load of money from just selling chlorine.
I changed and everything, then jumped into the pool. My eyes started to burn, but I didn't really care. I was a damn good swimmer so I spent my time floating on the surface of the pool. I started to think about the lady again and how crumby and horrible-looking her husband was. Sure she was a fine lady, but her husband was the worst kind of guy I've ever seen. He wore this polo shirt with stains all over the shoulders and back. Then he was wearing this black and white pants that looked like he just escaped from jail. He looked like a convict but when I thought about it he had a lot of hair gel. His hair looked droopy and tired...so did his face.
I bet since he was so droopy and tired he could've fell into the pool with his son. I mean if you saw him you would think he'd fall there on the spot. This guy was a nut, he was grabbing his son's shirt like hell. Telling him to get a move on and stuff. I could imagine myself going up to this crazy bastard and punch the guts out of his stomach, and he'd get down and start wheezing for air or whatever. Then I'd pull his arm off his son and go take the kid for ice cream or something with his mom. I'd practically kick and roll the guy over on my way out. Then I'd walk with them to the shop and pay for the kid's ice cream. And while the kid was in the bathroom I'd start hitting it off with his mom.
Anyways so I was swimming in the pool of chlorine and then I nearly drowned, I really mean it. The fat guy jumped into the pool and choked me with water. The goddam fat man almost drowned himself! I saw five billion people trying to take him out of the water, but they all kept falling into the water. Even with all the people there wasn't nearly enough people to carry him out. Then after they had to call all the emergency people the guy was wheezing and coughing out handfuls of chlorine. I almost died and they worry about some fat guy coughing!
"These bastards are goddam nuts! I'm outta here!" And I left to go find a bar that would actually serve me some real alcohol.
