It's Better to Hit Them With a Fish

Why do people not tie their shoes when they have laces on them? So you try to kick the ball, and then your shoe has to come off and knock someone’s face. Sure, you were sorry but do you really understand what it’s like to have a weird stench hit your face? When your object that was on your feet, hits someone it’s just plain gross…especially in the face. It’s disgusting and I’m sure it’s caused the people to abhor from it. Some poor affable sucker has to get hit and is impelled to the floor. The interminable pain that they probably feel is worse than it looks, luckily most people aren't irascible. I’m not trying to sound like some weirdo manager giving a tirade but I’m trying to give some sage advice. TIE YOUR SHOES!

You leave your shoelace untied and you slip down the stairs from stepping on them. Uh huh, it wasn't your fault. Then whose fault was it? Some random person walks by and you blame them, as you yell at them while they entreat you to stop yelling. Your yelling reverberates through the halls and everyone comes out to see why. The haunted person with the memory of you screaming at them becomes despondent. John Doe gives up and decides to become recluse so he won’t get accused anymore.

You’re walking and trip on a couple of materials on your shoe. Yay! Now you’re on the floor and everyone’s staring at you like a freak. You’re tremulous eyes are watching everyone walk by…staring at you like some rapist. While you’re getting up some other chap falls in front of you and this profound feeling of knowing how it feels comes to your mind. I think I've proved my point; yes everything is perfect and peaceful while your shoelaces are tied. But when they’re untied…your life just goes amiss, so I've said it once and I’ll say it again. TIE YOUR SHOES BEFORE YOU WHACK SOMEONE OR BREAK A BONE! If your shoelace is untied…be prepared for a time of horror.